03 Dec QUINTESSENCE

Yesterday was quite ordinary

We went through the usual wake up routine

Cornflakes, toast and peanut butter,

time on the computer, the iPad,

washed and dressed, word-search

The morning came and went without

much conscious thought

Johnny set the table for lunch

Filled three glasses with water

In the afternoon we went for a walk in the woods

Making something out of nothing

Angela used slowmo and time lapse

and we created little films for ourselves

Driving home we listened to music

Johnny set the table for dinner

Filled three glasses with water

and we all sat down together

I looked over to him, an 18 year old

with what might pass for designer stubble

Six foot four, muscular

a new haircut and suntan

and for no reason

I noticed

he was handsome

Hollywood handsome

We were eating dinner

quietly

like an ordinary family

I can’t even remember what food

and there it was

a glimpse

unexpected

This was the man Johnny could have been

‘Isn’t Johnny handsome?’ I said to Angela

wanting to include her in the moment

It was all I could do

to stop myself weeping like a fool

After

when I stacked the dishwasher alone

I broke like death

Unexpected

I hadn’t glimpsed

the man Johnny could have been

The mourning was for a different loss

one known

but not understood until now

for there in this moment

was the beauty of the man he was